If you have to ask you'll never know ! [L.Armstrong]... thats Louis not Lance.

Nov 19, 2010

Cold Cold Heart.

There are no cold storages in Ghatkopar. For the same reason that there are no agarbatti sellers at Mount Mary’s. Though Bandra has more than it’s fair share, of cold storages i.e. not agarbatti sellers. Where you can buy everything from East Indian Goa sausages to Goan East Indian Bottle masala. Long rows of freezers with a butchers block at the back. Next to the cash machine is the slicer. Upon which the salami is sliced down to micron measurable thickness. Great risk to limb, the slicers i.e. not the piggy who has already given up his life to be born again [ not in the Emmanuel prayer group ] but as salami and bacon and ham and pork chops and beef . So that both the minority and the majority communities are equally offended and can’t claim discrimination. Beef mince, beef steaks, diced beef. You have to know when the beef comes in. Because then you can get it fresh. With a choice of cut..
‘ Make sure you tell him to give you Under cut. And trim the fat off. ‘
So you carry your instructions faithfully to Marks, or Serpis or Judes or Joesphs. Where the size of the knife and the flair of the apron clad cutter makes you consider butchery as a career option. Its more an axe than a knife. Which can crunch down and cut thru bone . Which after its shift is over is embedded into the block with a thunk and all the satisfaction of a days work well done.
It’s a minefield with the equipment. The slicer. The knives. The mincer. The mincer which has chunks of meat going in at one end and spaghetti like mince spouting out of the other. With buttered efficiency. Which is also available at the Cold storage. Butter and margarine for when the bonus is delayed, Kraft salad dressing when Tiffany , the owners neighbour ,who flies for Air India had just returned from a flight. The supply varies between Toblerones, Kraft and Laughing Cow cheese depending on which part of the world Tiffany’s schedule had taken her. There’s Don’s Dried Bombay Ducks the brackets specify bombils. Is the Don the Don of all bombil suppliers or is it just short for Donny ? And sidings. The left over bits that remain after the fully sliced salami and ham bits are sold. All bundled together and sold for half the cost. Run it in the mixie and throw some butter in and you have a sandwich spread to compete with the best.
Come Christmas and local entrepreneurship surfaces. Marzipan and milkcream makers display their products for off the shelf buyers. New residents, these. Stray posters surface. Adorable pomerainian pups. To be given away free. To a good home. And six months later. Fluffy missing. Adorable white pomerainian. Rs. 5000 reward offered. Contact 2640 XXXX.
While in Edinburgh the distillery that has the best single malt is debated , and at the Grand Prix wheter Ferrari or Mclaren is the better team, the passion of the debate pales before the question of wheter Mark’s broilers are fresher than Judes.

5 comments:

Smiling Dolphin said...

ugh, the imagery! i hate you!

wag said...

Hi Clemmie,
What ever happened to Baptist? Your blog brought back memories of how Bonnie used to frighten the turkeys out of their feathers, Christmastime! You can be sure that we were not favourite customers!!

Brat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brat said...

Brilliant,makes me homesick everytime I read another classic piece of work! More fodder or probably something you've already thought of covering is the Bandra Gym Socials and Telegames, always an epic event in any Bandraite's life and not to mention midnight mass fashion shows and after parties. Keep up the good work!!

clemde@gmail.com said...

Lynn when I write about an early morning visit to Crawford Market for the delivery of meat don't read about it. This is Barbie doll stuff compared to that.
Wendy lots more like Lusitanias and Mafcos and Baptists.
Brat. Welcome. Why do I Always like a comment that starts with the word " Brilliant ". :). thx.