If you have to ask you'll never know ! [L.Armstrong]... thats Louis not Lance.

Mar 18, 2008

Go west young man, go west !

The life line of Mumbai is its railway line. carrying it's minions along is length and its breadth. Figuratively speaking, because Mumbai doesn’t really have a breadth. On either side of this great divide are home's and people. Just a stone's throw away from each other [ especially if you're a budding Shiv Sainik ] but a world apart for everyone else.
So the saabs and memsaabs on Pali hill [ Bandra west ] employ servants and drivers ok ok maids and chauffeurs from LIG colony [ Bandra East ] LIG ? Low Income group. MIG colony . middle income group at the reclamation [ Bandra West ]. In Bandra east you have chawls in Bandra west you have colonies. the difference ? About Rs.15000 per square foot. Bandra [w] got it's Joggers park. Bandra [e] houses Bal Thackeray. Bandra [ w ] has Olive. Bandra e Highway Gomantak. Bandra [w] has Pot Pourri. Bandra [e] has highway Gomantak. Bandra [w] has Out of the Blue. Bandra [e] Highway Gomantak.
So what do you do when you are chucked from the nest and the real estate surrounding the nest costs way more than HDFC HKB or even Citizen Bank is willing to give you. Do you think of going to Bandra [e]? No ! You move to either Malad or Borivli or Missisagua or Sydney and if all else fails Dubai.
You go there for concerts crossing the great divide of the railway line. You go there for exhibitions at the wide open spaces around the Bandra Kurla complex. You even go there to work with Citibank or IDBI. If the size of your wallet exceeds the size of your brain then you even send your kids to the American school or the Dhirubhai Ambani school. A heated pool and airconditioned classrooms ? I digress.
And when you ask someone where they live and they say Bandra, its assumed Bandra [w]. Because people in Bandra [e] don’t say Bandra for their mulluk. They say Behrampada, or artists colony or LIG colony.
Is it because Bandra [w] was here first. All those hundreds of years ago when the Kohlis hung around Danda and Chimbai. When Bandra [e] was a swamp and the water birds really did nest in what would later become the Salim Ali bird sanctruary ?
So as long as the railway stays on the ground theres a line that stays in our heads. And East stays East and West stays west and never the twain shall meet.[ R. Kipling ]

Mar 17, 2008

Mother Tussads

When you need something, you ask for it. When you need something really badly you go up to the Mount. Where you are then beseeched by all the stall owners near the gate to patronise their stall. There arrayed in wax before you are legs ,hands,hearts,houses, ships,books and an oddly shaped flat piece of wax. lungs you're told.Your need determines your purchase.Legs and hands are simple. Hearts get more complicated. Do you give a heart when all the fat from the goa sausages and pork chops has made an angioplasty imperative.Or do you give a wax heart in the hope of Sandra giving you hers ?
Houses are wax gingerbread cottages complete with sloping roof chimney and wicker gate. All we want Mother Mary is a two BHK in either Nirmala colony, Little Flower, Virendra colony, Salcette society or St.Sebastians. And if not a 2 bhk then a 1 bhk and if not even that then we'll settle for a one room kitchen that we'll convert to a 1 bhk.
Joe boy cant decide wheter to try for the job with the cruise liner or wait for his New Zealand immigration to come thru. He decides to keep himself covered and buys the wax boat. War and peace does not have the literary weight of the wax book on display. Is it for the success of your next book. Ha ! For Ms. Rowling maybe. Mundanely the book is only for your success with Navneets twenty one question sets. The oddly shaped shaped lungs you'll hopefully never have to buy and patches will therefore hopefully never appear on your real lungs. Damn those four squares and charminars and sometimes wills.
Babies. Take your pick, male or female. If the good lady of the mount answers your prayers and sends the stork to your house you're praying she'll know that the wax dolls looks are not what you have in mind for any future progeny. Otherwise you're moving to Elm Street. There are wax bats and balls for future Sachins to give. There are cars and there are motorcycles. Ratan Tata,s nano is going to destroy this market segment. And there are planes. Big demand. Future airhostesses, sorry, cabin crew, future pilots, future Richard Bransons.
And then theres a whole grab bag of stuff whose petitioning is covered by candles. A crotchety mother-in-law, a crotchety daughter-in-law, a promotion at work, pre-mature ejaculation [ pre viagra days these ] , that the sensex hits 20,000 soon. New Zealand , Canada, Australia.
And on a recent visit my daughter Aalia discovered they don't have wax puppy dogs. So she made do with a candle until she gathers enough wax drips to mould her own .